Help! How do I Get off this Ride?

Nothing like unemployment time to help you find perspective.
Think of this image of the Great Wheel in Seattle as a big giant hamster wheel in our own cage of life. We are running around in circles going around and around but going no where. We are going from our jobs to our families and then to bed wishing we had more time. The truth is, we will never have enough time or is it?
So far in this 4 months of free time, I have learned that time STILL goes by quickly.
There is always something to do, someone to visit or somewhere to go. The question really is HOW do I use the time that I have?
As an artist, I now realize that God has given me a gift. God has given me the gift of time to reflect on which direction to go with my life and passion. Prior to this, I was too busy paying my bills and working my job to see the truth. I was living in fear.
Now that I am actually not working, I have learned that my world is not falling apart.
I am learning that I want to have a life of purpose and meaning. I am connecting with friends that I love and appreciate even more.
I want to take classes to get better with my craft of photography and take business classes to help me get my work out there. I now realize that in order for more people to see my work, I have to put my work out there for people to see.
I love to travel and explore so I am finding out about travel tours to be able to do that.
My first gift to myself will be to go to my whale watching tour in September. This has been part of my living list for a long time. I want to connect with these beautiful giants and hang out with them.
Use your time wisely. Do what you need to do but put some time for yourself to enjoy your passions. It is not selfish but necessary. You will be a happier person and it will open doors that you didn't dream of.
Happy Tuesday everyone!

Facing the Fear 2 Find the Faith.

Fear and Faith.
The only thing they have in common is the letter F.
One of them restricts and paralyzes you while the other has no restriction or boundaries.

I did an exercise in You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay.   Who understands more about the mind, body and spirit connection more than her?   I thought it was time to go back to the basics to see how well I understood and applied this philosophy in my everyday life.

My first assignment was to make a list of 5 or 6 ways to finish this sentence:   I Should
My list was as follows:  I Should take better care of myself.
                                    I Should photograph more.
                                    I should be doing what I love to do.
You get the gist of this.   Now, you read what you wrote and ask the question 'Why' after it.   The answers allow you to understand what your beliefs and limitations are.  Louise goes on to say "You see, I believe that should is one of the most damaging words in our language.  Every time we use should we are in effect say "wrong".  Either we are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong.  I don't think we need more wrongs in our life.  I would like to take the 'SHOULD and replace it with the word COULD.  Could give us a choice and we are never wrong."  Now, lets reread our list again but with this at the beginning of each sentence:  "If I really wanted to, I could...........".  This puts a whole new light on the subject.  Now, I can ask the question "Why haven't I?"   As I look at my list because there were more than the 3 you see up here.  All of my answers came from FEAR.   Yes, fear.  I was my worst enemy.  I was the limitation that was hindering me from my full potential.  Amazing how powerful words are.

I went to a church that I never went to and the sermon was about Faith.   What do we put our 'faith' in?
Faith in money? Faith in the newest gadgets?  Faith in our government?  Where is the faith in God?  Have we lost it?  The lessons that we learn in life are never easy and sometimes, down right painful.  I have had friends that have lost their husband or a parent.  I have friends who are dealing with health issues.  It is hard to have faith during these times.

Fear can make you want to run away and not face it.  I realize that I have not been taking care of myself and it is time to face the fear.  I want to be able to do all the things that I want to do but I can't do it if I don't take care of myself.  I have to be healthy in mind, body and spirit.  All 3 are connected.

I went to a Naturopathic Doctor today.  Some news, not so good but others are fine.  The point is that it can get  better but it won't if I don't take the necessary steps to change them.   It is a lifestyle change.  I knew I was at the right Doctor when I saw her Tree of Life art on the wall.   We are working as a team to get me where I need to be.  With her knowledge and following her guidance, I will be just fine.

Face the fear and put your faith in God.  The Divine will guide you where you need to go.  Also remember the word patience.  It takes time to get where you're going.  Enjoy and learn from your journey so you can help others.

Do You Know Who YOU Really Are?

To thy own self be true.   What does that mean exactly?   In order to be true to yourself, you must know yourself.   That is what loving yourself means, to love all the facets of you.
One of the hardest things to do is look at yourself for who you really are.
We have to look deep down inside.   This is not something that is done in a day, week, month or even a year.  It is a constant and ever learning process till your last breathe.   
We are not the same person that we were in our 20's, 30's or what ever age we are.  
We won't be the same person in 20, 30 or even 40 years later because we change with life.
When I started asking the question of why I was not so happy with my life, the answer was Me.   I had to take a look at who I was and why I can continuously going down a road that was leading me nowhere.

I realized with time that I believed the things that I was told when I was younger.  I had to be a certain weight, personality or look to be loved.   I am sure that most of us heard that recording in our heads over and over again.    These are labels that are put on us from the day that we are born.  Labels are what people perceive about how or what we should be.
Are they a reality?  For the most part, I would say no.   Why?   Because it is the perception of the other individual.

When I took the time to take a closer look at who I was, I called this 'My Love Affair With Myself'.  I started getting to know who I really was.   I went inside.   I learned what was great and not so great about myself.   I found out that I didn't need to prove to someone else that I was lovable.    I can see why now why I was in dysfunctional relationships.

Love all of yourself!

It is not my job to fix or change anyone.  The only person that I can fix or change is me!   When I start seeing the signs that a person is not right for me, I can walk away.  Does that make that person a bad person?   No, just not the right person for me.
I learned that love is not outside myself.   I learned that I AM love.   

Lessons in Catechism

You're probably all thinking 'why are you telling us all this information?   Which is a good question since I am an artist and I should be telling you about artsy things.   Right?  But part of being an artist is how we see the world around us.   It is my lost years that led me to the person that I am today.  One has to look back in order to move forward.  One has to understand the self, the true authentic self.   Once we understand and look back with detachment, we can begin the healing process to move forward with our lives.
When I was kid growing up, I went to Catholic church every Sunday. I loved looking at the statues of Mother Mary and Jesus.   I loved the colorful stained glass windows.   
I just didn't like or understand the message that was being taught to me.   God loved me so I was told, but only if  you went through Jesus,   Now, that didn't make any sense to me at all. Jesus was the only way to get to God and Heaven.  Now, that wasn't fair!   How about the people who didn't know about Jesus?   Were they going to Hell too?
Remember, I was a kid back then! 
Where was the Love?   I learned about the Spanish Inquisition, not a very nice group of Catholics at all.    Yes, things were starting to change within me.   This was not the God that I wanted to know, my God was a nice God.   I decided that Jesus was not going to be a part of my life.   I would still talk to Mother Mary and God but no more Catholicism for me.  
I loved hearing stories about St. Joan of Arc, St. Francis and St. Bernadette.   My mother even brought me a bottle of the Holy Water from Lourdes which I am embarrassed to  say that I drank.  Maybe that is why I do not get sick very often.
When I was 15, I went to see St. Bernadette's body that is in a crystal coffin at the Church of St. Gildard at the convent in Nevers.   St. Bernadette lived there for 13 years.   She has remained undisturbed and on view since August 3, 1925 and that was a special moment for me.   One of God's many miracles that I have seen.
It is kind of funny when I look back, in my 20's, 30's and even part of my 40's, I lost touch with God.   I loved the stories yet, I fell out of touch with the one thing that created it all.
I was the hamster running around and around in the wheel of my cage until I stopped and asked why?
Be careful what you ask, you may not like the answers.

I love photographing Mother Mary.
She is peaceful and beautiful.